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Surfdale Sally

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Surfdale Sally is the socialite who maintains a weekly column in the (now defunct) Waiheke Week newspaper.

She concentrates her musings on her fellow island property tycoons and their middlemen; local, national and international celebrities who she has spotted around the island traps, cafes, vineyards and nude beaches; parties, ladies-who-lunch get togethers and an assortment of classy shindigs the rest of the mere island mortals are too unfortunate or too in-bred to be allowed to attend. Her specialty is chronicling which of the island real estate agents suffers from a condition called "PAFO" (pissed and falling over) which usually results from attending aforementioned schmoozing-and-boozing events.

She writes in a "Kath & Kim"-style Australese language, with the frequent use of the word "moi" (as in "moi good friend and quaffing partner"), which has to be phonetically pronounced to be understood. Surfdale Sally's rival at the Waiheke Marketplace newspaper, Ostend Observer, always gets confused by this as she thinks it is the French word. Needless to say Sally makes sure the Observer never gets invited to classy events.

Now that the Waiheke Week has been sold to the plebs at Gulf News, she has lost her main platform. And what is a girl without a platform when the main pillar (dancing pole?) of her life's outlook, real estate, has gone down the gurgler, taking many a friendly land agent with it? Rumours have it she has left the island and has stowed away on a visiting cruise ship (or Alinghi).

Surfdale Sally's outlook on island life and style can be summed up in this apocryphal story: Surfdale Sally goes to the doctors and asks him: "Doctor, can you get pregnant from anal sex?" And the doctor replies: "Of course you can, Sally, where do you think real estate agents come from?"